So there's this guy his name is Donrupert & he meant the whole wide world to me. I truly thought that I was finally in love with someone, who makes my heart skips a beat & leaves me breathless. He made me feel something that I've never felt before. The way he used to hold me felt like he would never let go or ever hurt me, when he looked at me made it seem like I was the only girl that he saw in his eyes. I felt all the things that a young girl in love would feel.
Our relationship wasn't the greatest realationship. We both fucked up here & there, but he hurt me the worst with all the things he did. He seriously did me wrong. . After finding out all the things that he did our relationship was never the same. I couldn't trust him & he couldn't trust me either. Even though we told each other that we trusted each other . . we didn't. We always told each other that we loved each other & that we were going to get married, but in the back of my mind I knew that we werent going to grow old with each other & that our feelings for each other were fading away. .
Anyways, He moved to chicago 8 months ago. . We planned on doing a long distance relationship, but that only lasted a couple weeks then we broke up & stopped talking for about three months. The day I thought I was getting over him . I figured that I wasn't because everything that I seemed to do reminded me of him . So I decided to text him & then we ended up going back to talking. . but then I ended up bringing up the past which made us stop talking for a month . Then he ended up calling me ( drunk called me ) I answered told him I was busy & that he should call me later. . he didn't call. So it made me wonder the whole next day why he called. . So I texted him he told me it was on accident & then I just seriously tried to keep a conversation going with him he then decided to call me & from that day 'til now we still talk & say that we miss & love each other. It's not something that people should do, because all you're doing is just hurting yourself. I know that he doesn't take what we have seriously since he's 1.000 miles away & that he probably is dating a girl over there in Chicago. I don't want to believe that he is dating someone, but my heart knows that his heart doesnt just belong to me. . -__-
I don't plan to take this friendship or whatever we are to another level or anything. He can honestly do whatever he pleases. I haven't been faithful in whatever we have going on right now. There is no reason for me to stay faithful with him when we're not even together. I don't know why I even bother waiting by the phone hoping that he'll call. My feelings for him aren't even the same like it was before. . i'm sorry.
